Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
