a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize