watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
