I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
