this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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