So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
