walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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