Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
