Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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