He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need moral support for this bender
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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