Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
