She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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