i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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