Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
