I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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