In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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