My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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