so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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