I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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