I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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