i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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