I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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