You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
