i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she peed on how many people?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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