You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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