Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
