you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
