I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
