im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
