Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
