Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
