I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
how do you play pong handcuffed?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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