Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not ubering you a puppy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
