I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
