Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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