I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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