I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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