So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
