I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
