meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
