i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Couch. On fire.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
