You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
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I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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