I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
