just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The air was thick with penises
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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