my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
