I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize