I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
