you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
