Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
