My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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