he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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