Can i not drive my cunt home
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
