jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
