i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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