Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
