If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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