I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
are you so shy because you have an std?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
