Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
