Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
