Don't you send me to vm
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
