as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
