Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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