Say something about gay babies.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
