I can text with my tongue
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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