whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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