i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
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biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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