We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
