The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
