I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
