i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
