I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
