i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
