the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
