Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
