god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
