this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
