And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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