I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
