I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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